‘Thank you L…You have been so kind and gracious to me’
“Thank you J…for your kindness’
‘A…please forgive me…’
Those were some of the last words I heard JB speak as he lay still on his hospital bed, reduced to bare bones and skin. Within 24 hours, he breathed his last breath.
JB had lived a deeply troubled life. As a child, he had felt rejected, and had been passed over by his younger siblings in a family with limited financial resources.
Less was expected of him because of his hemiplegia – limited movement in his left limbs. But his mind was quite brilliant although this fact was overlooked in his childhood when physically disability was (and often still is) conflated with intellectual disability.
It was only as an older adult that his intellectual prowess – assisted by voracious reading – was recognized. By this time, he (and others in his immediate orbit of influence) had written off any possibility of formal, academic pursuit.
And while JB reveled in the praise he received for his intellectual superiority and the intimidation he aroused in anyone being silly enough to debate him, his satisfaction was shallow and short-lived.
It’s sadly a common ‘curse’ upon people who are ‘gifted’ with an exceptional intellect. They have a tragic way of abusing the gift and, without realizing it, turn it against themselves destructively.
JB was known to intellectually pulverise a perceived opponent and then beat himself up mercilessly for having done so. He was known to convulse into an explosive rage that sent others scuttling for cover.
In such moments, his language was abusive while his analytic skills were used to pinpoint weaknesses in others and deride them from the lofty position of knowledge, reason and morality.
This was, predictably, followed by inconsolable anguish and guilt. And so it continued, this cycle of outrage, attack, diminishment of others, guilt and self-loathing.
You could hardly ever offer him consolation or encouragement without him mocking you for even trying to tell his superior mind anything it could possibly not already know. In his later years, admittedly, he did tone down the mockery a tad.
I don’t want you to get the impression that JB was all hubris without any saving graces. Quite the contrary. His generosity was almost legendary, sometimes lavished at personal cost.
And he had a wicked sense of humour. When he found something amusing, his attempt to hide his chuckles and smiles was quite charming. And I always delighted in his explosive guffaws.
As for his memory, ah yes, it was the envy and delight of many. And, as he got older, he acquired this delightful knack of bringing to our attention a quality in someone that most people had overlooked or failed to appreciate.
But while almost everyone recognized and acknowledge JB’s intellect, no one ever accused him of being wise. Sad, don’t you think?
You see, my dear friend, intelligence, no matter how extreme, cannot compensate for the lack of wisdom.
And what would Wisdom do?
Well, in the case of JB, Wisdom would have helped him use his intellect and intelligence constructively, in a way that
- Respected others rather than insulted, mocked or distrusted them
- Allowed others to teach him rather than dismiss them as intellectually inferior
- Didn’t turn his intelligence against himself so that he could never forgive himself nor accept, without judgment, his ‘perceived flaws’
- Hold such anger so chronically that it transformed into hatred and unforgiving both toward others and himself
- Transformed his neediness for attention and validation from others to a peaceful and powerful self-assuredness
- Transformed his fear of rejection to an openness to receive love
Those are just some of the ways Wisdom would have helped JB. And they are also some of the ways Wisdom can help us! Don’t you think?
But please, don’t let’s wait till we’re close to our final breath to let Wisdom guide us!
With Love, Lucy
EACH MONTH, I work with a small number of people (about 6) in a mentoring capacity. It is highly personalized and uses a body-centred phenomenological (lived experience rather than theoretical) approach and draws on mindfulness and reflective practices. If this sounds interesting to you, you can find out more here.
Interested in Mentoring?
EACH MONTH, I work with a small number of people (about 6) in a mentoring capacity. It is highly personalized and uses a body-centred phenomenological (lived experience rather than theoretical) approach and draws on mindfulness and reflective practices. If this sounds interesting to you, you can find out more here.
Interested in Meditation or Workshops? Get in touch!