Image by Taylor Smith
The most significant relationship we will ever have is the relationship with ourself
Contrary to what we might assume, the most significant relationship we ever have is the relationship we have with ourselves. Our suffering is the result of not acknowledging this and therefore cultivating a good relationship with ourselves. Put simply, we suffer when we don’t have a good relationship with ourselves, and consequently with other people and things.
So, how do we form poor relationships with ourselves? Let me list some of the ways:
- Distrusting ourselves
- Judging ourselves harshly
- Inflating our opinion of ourselves
- Not forgiving ourselves
- Always looking for the ways we’ve failed
- Not attending to our thoughts and emotions
- Denying, suppressing, deflecting, resisting our thoughts and emotions
- Indulging in unhelpful habits because we have not learned to handle our thoughts and emotions with compassion
- Punishing ourselves
- Imposing harsh discipline on ourselves
- Forcing rather than allowing ourselves to be the greatness and goodness that we naturally are
When we don’t have an unconditionally loving relationship with ourselves, we will forever seek to make up for whatever perceived deficits we have by trying to have them fulfilled by other people and other things. We will expect (often subconsciously) our partner or our children or our parent or our best friend or teacher to love us the way we haven’t been able to love ourselves, to forgive us the way we haven’t been able to forgive ourselves, to be patient with us the way we haven’t been able to be patient with ourselves, to fulfill us the way we haven’t been able to fulfill ourselves….We will seek solace in habits that are unhealthy and even harmful.
Can you see this happening with you?
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