Why is it that, despite all our efforts and all our self-trained reminders (trained so well they click in automatically), old wounds can still resurface? And still hurt?
The world and I are in perpetual dialogue. But am I listening?
We may have experienced several cycles of this same, stubborn wound, rupturing and healing. And each time, we are more convinced that this time, it’s for good. We won’t ever be troubled by it again.
But then, just when things seem to be going so well, something snaps. Some totally unexpected word is said. Some bewildering action is taken. The other’s presence that we had come to so reasonably expect is suddenly withdrawn.
And the wound ruptures once more.
Admittedly, this time, it’s a little, or even a lot less traumatic. But there is trauma.
A tremor in the ground we’re standing on. It rattles you. And you fall, if only gently.
Why? Why is this happening?
How could this be happening?
How could you have been so unkind?
Why would you be so unkind? So uncaring?
I thought we were well past all that?
Clearly not.
Where did I go wrong? Did I trust too much? Too soon? Should I have kept my guard up?
Perhaps we will never be able or willing to really love and care for each other. Perhaps that’s expecting too much.
Dear friend, if this feels familiar, may I reassure you – it’s a common experience. And, really, it’s NOT because something has gone wrong.
I know that may seem hard to believe when the experience so cruelly screams otherwise.
When things appear to fall apart, to crumble in an unbearable heap, to rip apart this still fragile world that we had so painstakingly midwifed from trauma to safety, doubt and distrust are among the first scavengers rushing to the scene.
But…
What if we allowed ourselves permission to look at this differently?
That our world hasn’t crumbled. That nothing is broken. That doubt and distrust are, in fact, corridors through a field of replenishing opportunities, helping us wean off our attachments so we are ready for the ever more and ever better?
Because, one thing is certain: We have only ever scraped the surface of the infinite possible!
Would you be willing to consider that this might be true? And even if not true, that it offers more than it takes away?
What we have ever experienced is but a trace of the infinite, the immeasurable, and the vast invisible.
So that, a perceived ‘breakdown’ is but a pretext for the more and the more wonderful. A tease. A backhanded invitation.
No, it’s not pretending. Unless, by ‘pretending’ you mean ‘pre-tending’ – tending, listening to that which is in the process of revealing itself, a little more.
Yes, just a little more, yet never completely for that would be too much for a body to hold and its mind to comprehend.
I invite us to the possibility…
Much Love, Lucy
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